Engaged and Planning a Wedding: planning for a healthy marriage Readings: As you plan to start your new life together, there are a few resources and suggestions that can help you start off on the right track.
Premarital counseling is an important step towards laying a healthy foundation for your marriage. In addition, there is an event called “Engaged Encounter” that is related to various denominations of the Christian faith and is an experience which helps to strengthen your relationship before the big day. Next, read some books together. Bookstores have both easy reading and harder small print options to meet your preferences. Doing this can help spark conversations about expectations and fears, and bring you two closer.
One suggested reading is Intended For Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in the Christian Marriage by Ed and Gaye Wheat. This book is written from a Christian perspective about establishing a lifelong relationship based on honesty and communication. If you are virgins (or at least one of you is), it explains sexual intimacy step by step as God designed. Even if you have a sexual history, this book can help refresh you about the basics (and face how your past may impact the future, and try to minimize this).
Another reading is His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr. This book helps men and women understand that God intended us to think differently and in a marriage we can focus on helping each other as a partnership.
Most people have heard of the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by the well known counselor John Gray. This is a good book to help you laugh about and understand the differences in the sexes.
Remember to have fun and get started planning. When is the date? Many places are filled up months (and sometimes years) in advance for weddings, including your home church. Look at dates as soon as you can.
What is a reasonable time for an engagement? Most people need at least 6 months to plan a wedding. It can be done as fast as you want, but to get things exactly as you want them, (if the location is available) 5 months is possible, but hurried.
One thing to consider is, how long have you two been seeing each other?
It is always best to give yourself time to really see each other’ quirks and habits, and to see each other in good times and bad. This not only lets you get a feel for how you each deal with difficulty, it also can strengthen your bond as you have shared experiences and opportunities to care for each other as a team.
A good rule of thumb is to have known each other closely for at least two years when you get married. It is best to get engaged after at least a year of dating, but if you have gotten engaged earlier or in a whirlwind romance, give yourself time if you can to get to know each other. It is not uncommon for people to prefer a long engagement of one year or more (even just to have time for planning).
For more specifc advice, visit our advice section, or visit our wedding and marriage community blog.
