The wedding night:
If you have waited for this night to consumate the marriage as a couple, then you may be aprehensive about being together for the first time. At New Bride’s Guide, we recommend you communicate about this with each other ahead of time. Share your excitement and your fears about your honeymoon. If this will be the first time for one or both of you, it is especially important to spend time together talking beforehand. There are many books which help engaged couples discuss intimacy openly, and some are listed in our Engagement Basics reading list.
Intimacy in marriage:
How well do you know each other? Be sure you continue to find out more about each other as you grow together in love everyday.
Being together physically is best when you are feeling close and intimate emotionally. Be sure that during the everyday hurry to complete your business, you do not forget to take time together to look into each others’ eyes, hold hands, or some other physical gesture. Be sure to say “I love you” every day, and ask about your spouse’s day.
Every once in a while, talk about your sex life together. Create an open relationship where you can talk about your desires and feelings, and share your insecurities together. Do not be afraid to try new things together, as long as you both agree to them. Affirm your love for each other, and if you are worried about the frequency of intimacy together, be honest about why things are as they are. This is the only way to improve it! If things are great, tell each other how wonderful your love life is and enjoy your closeness!
Be spontaneous and whisk the other one away on a date someplace new and exciting. Have fund together as a couple. Find a hobby and do it together.
Follow the old Biblical addage of wisdom and “do not let the sun go down on your anger”. While your schedules, energy (or tempers) may not allow you to “argue it out”/”talk out” your differences every night, you can find a way to end your disagreements for the day knowing you still love and respect each other and will revisit the discussion after a good night’s sleep (and some time away from the problem to gain perspective). Remember to “fight fair”- try to keep the discussion to what is the current problem rather than bringing up old arguements, never call each other names or show disrespect for the other person, and show each other you care enough to work it through until you both are satisfied with the results. If you need help with conflict resolution, see a pastor or a professional, because communication is key to a lasting relationship, and you want to start out with healthy habits that can last you a lifetime.
